Mad World
by botanicalTJ
Summary: The youngest of four Curtis brothers has a secret... (transgender character; AU as if the fire never happened)
1. Chapter 1

_"Mr. Curtis?"_

_Patrick looked up from his desk, his attention shifting from the arithmetic paper in front of him. His principal was standing at the front of the room, a clipboard in hand. His features were set in a serious expression and his piercing grey eyes were difficult to look at. Patrick put his pencil down and stood from his chair, hands clasped in front of him. "Yes, Mr. Landry?"_

_Every set of eyes in the room were focused on them as Mr. Landry made his way down the aisle. Patrick could feel a sweat break out on his forehead. It was clear that he was in big trouble, even though he had done his best to stay out of it lately. Darry wasn't going to be happy. Maybe the school had already called him, and he had left work to come up and give Patrick a lecture. That would be even worse. They couldn't afford to lose the money that Darry brought in with overtime._

_Patrick braced himself as Mr. Landry stopped in front of him. For a single moment, the classroom was completely silent. Even the teacher had stopped writing on the chalkboard to see what would become of the principal's visit. Patrick swallowed and forced himself to look the older man in the eye, waiting for him to break the silence._

_"Mr. Curtis, you've been voted by your peers as Class Boy. Congratulations." Mr. Landry suddenly reached to shake Patrick's hand. The teenager blinked, green eyes widening. Class Boy? Him? He didn't even know he had been in the running. As the realization settled over him, a grin tugged its way onto his lips, and he shook his principal's hand enthusiastically. Around him, the whoops and cheers of his classmates erupted as they clapped in his honor._

_"They're doing photos for the yearbook in the gymnasium, I'll take you down there," Mr. Landry continued, a rare smile on his lips. He released the handshake and clapped Patrick on the shoulder. "Congratulations, son."_

_Patrick could only grin as he gathered his belongings and followed his principal out into the hall, the echoes of his classmates' enthusiasm behind him. His cheeks hurt from smiling so hard by the time they arrived in the gym. Mr. Landry led him over to the photographer, who had set up his equipment in front of a black backdrop and two stools._

_"Have a seat right there, young man," the photographer instructed, pointing at one of the stools. Patrick obeyed and hopped up on the stool, sitting up as straight as he could. He adjusted his collar and watched as the photographer consulted the clipboard in his hand. After a moment, the man looked up at him. "Sit tight, we're just waiting on the Class Girl. Do you know a-"_

_"Lucy?"_

_Patrick's eyes shot up at the source of the voice. Kathy Mathews was walking towards him, wearing a green sundress with a bow in her hair. She frowned at him, confusion written on her features. The photographer lowered his clipboard and glared, shaking his head. "This must be a mistake," he spat, looking at Patrick with contempt._

_"Lucy," Kathy said again, now at his side. She reached out and shook his shoulder hard, nearly pushing him from the stool. "Lucy, wake up."_

"Huh?"

Lucy opened her eyes, only to find her older brother standing over her. Sodapop shook her shoulder gently, his voice too loud for her brain to handle yet. "Time to wake up," he announced, grinning when he met her eyes. "Finally. I thought I'd have to bring Darry in here to wake ya."

"Sodaaaa," came the whining response from the girl in question, her eyes fluttering shut again. Lucy buried her face in her pillow, rolling over onto her stomach. "It's Saturday."

"Yeah, but breakfast is ready." Soda flopped down in bed next to her, snuggling so close that she was practically pushed against the wall. Lucy let out a groan and raised her head, wrinkling her nose as Soda pushed her hair from her face.

"It's too early," she mumbled, half-heartedly swatting his hand away. She opted instead for leaning her head on his shoulder, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "I was up all night listening to you and Steve yelling at the TV."

Soda chuckled sheepishly, the grin never leaving his features. "Sorry. Steve, uh, had a little too much to drink, and then Two-Bit showed up and wanted to watch Mickey Mouse, and, well..." He didn't need to finish for Lucy to picture the scene that went down. If she didn't walk into the living room to find both Steve and Two-Bit passed out on the couch or the floor, she'd be surprised.

"It's fine," she sighed, finally sitting up. She kicked the blankets off her body and crawled over Soda's legs to get out of bed, stretching her arms over her head once standing.

Soda hopped up with her, his energy much too high for this early in the morning. "I made pancakes," he announced proudly, grabbing his sister's hand before she could even bother to change out of her pajamas. He pulled Lucy with him out of the room.

"Oh yeah? What color?" the girl quipped in response, not bothering to protest her brother's clutches. Soda didn't answer, just chuckled. As they entered the living room, she found her assumptions correct: Two-Bit was snoring loudly in Darry's armchair, and Steve was stretched out on the couch. Soda only let go of her hand once they were in the kitchen, where Darry and Ponyboy were already at the table.

"Morning, Lucy," the oldest of the two spoke as she sat down, raising his coffee mug in greeting. Darry was already dressed for the day in jeans and a black t-shirt. A plate was in front of him with eggs, toast, and... blue pancakes.

"Eat up," Soda suddenly chirped, sliding an identical plate in front of Lucy. He sat down next to her, looking very proud of his colorful creation. Lucy just smiled and began to cut her pancakes into bite-sized pieces, not the least bit surprised. Her breakfast may have looked like something out of a Sunday morning cartoon, but it tasted alright just the same.

After a few moments of the family eating silently, Lucy spoke up, setting her fork down. "Darry, can I bike down to the corner store this afternoon?" she asked, watching as her oldest brother swallowed his last sip of coffee.

Darry frowned at her, glancing at Soda before shaking his head. "It's too far to go by yourself," he replied. "See if one of the guys will take you. Me and Soda are going to Pony's track meet."

Lucy mirrored Darry's expression. She should have seen this coming, but wasn't going to back down that easily. "I'm fourteen," she urged gently, glancing around the table at her other brothers. "Pony was twelve when he was allowed to go places by himself. C'mon, Dar, I'm old enough."

"Lucy, it ain't that," Soda piped up at her side, though he avoided her eyes in exchange for cutting up the remaining pancake on his plate. "It's just, well... uh... Pony was a lot more, uh... ready?"

Lucy furrowed her brows, the gears in her mind spinning to decipher what her brother was saying. When the realization hit her, a stormcloud made its way onto her face. "It's because I'm a girl, isn't it?" she snapped, much more harshly than she intended.

"Listen, kiddo, I've told you before, I just don't want you to get hurt," Darry said with a sigh, standing up from his seat. He began to clear his dishes, obviously not phased by the situation. "You get me? This side of town can be dangerous, a fourteen year old girl shouldn't be running around by her lonesome."

"But you let _Pony_ do it." As Lucy spoke, the events of her dream came rushing back to her, only serving to fuel her frustrations even more. "I ain't gonna get hurt, Darry, I swear."

"It's too dangerous." Darry shook his head again, but he wasn't even looking at her. He stood at the kitchen sink, beginning to wash the breakfast dishes. "Get Two-Bit or Steve to take you, but I don't want you biking that far by yourself."

Lucy took a deep breath and stood up from the table, her brows furrowed. "But, Darry-"

"I said no, Lucy." Darry's tone was suddenly firm, and he turned to face her, clear signs of irritation on his features. "Either someone takes you, or you stay home. That's final, ya hear?"

The siblings stared at each other for several tense moments. The kitchen was silent, with Sodapop and Ponyboy just watching the event unfold. Finally, Lucy broke eye contact and pushed her chair in, glowering at the table. "Fine," she muttered, not bothering to clear the table before marching out of the kitchen. No one tried to stop her, and she went straight to her room, shutting the door behind her.

It wasn't fair. Darry had to know that. Lucy had managed to keep her cool in front of her brothers, but she felt tears burn at her eyes once she was alone in her bedroom. She walked over to the mirror over her dresser, facing her reflection with a certain determination. She grabbed her hairbrush and began to brush her long, blonde hair, if only to have something to do with her hands.

Her dream lingered in the back of her mind. If only they knew. If only she knew how to tell them. No one would question her or keep her from doing anything just because she was a girl ever again.

She was he. And he was Patrick.

**Hey all! I'm so excited to share this new story with you. I haven't seen many ****_Outsiders_**** fics with LGBTQ themes, and I think it's time to change that. I hope you're as excited as I am about what's in store!**

**Please feel free to follow, favorite, and review. I love feedback of all kinds. :)**

**Thanks for reading!**

**~TJ**


	2. Chapter 2

Lucy had known for a while now that she — or maybe, _he_ — felt different about things. Maybe it was because she grew up in a house full of brothers, but being girly had never felt right. She didn't wanna wear dresses or spend all her time gossiping with the other girls at school. Even her best friend, Kathy, remarked from time to time that she didn't act "ladylike" enough. Lucy was nothing like the other girls her age, especially not those stuck-up West Side Socs or the greaser broads who hung all over her brothers.

Lucy's mind wandered as an image of those greaser girls popped into her head. Some of them hung out on street corners and let guys pick them up in exchange for cigarettes or cash. It was a low life to live, having to provide for yourself that way. Hell, even the smartest girl in Lucy's grade last year had ended up going down that path. Maria Alvarez. Her parents split up, mom ran off with her new boyfriend, leaving Maria and her deadbeat dad to take care of her younger sisters. Lucy had seen Maria standing on the street a few weeks ago when she was riding downtown with Sodapop. You couldn't even tell that she had once been the top of her class. Her once-beautiful black hair now fell over her shoulders in a scraggly mop and her face was painted with so much makeup that you could barely recognize her. Soda had taken pity on her, offered her what little cash he had in the truck. She'd taken it gratefully, like that few dollars was the only thing keeping her from going hungry that night.

There were other girls on that strip of pavement, too. Girls who looked like they'd been at this type of work since they were old enough for guys to pay the slightest bit of attention to them. Lucy would never, ever admit it to anyone, but seeing those girls in their short skirts and unbuttoned blouses made something stir in the pit of her stomach. It was a warm, pleasant feeling, but one that carried plenty of shame.

All she knew was, she'd never felt like that towards any boy, but that was a piece of information she would take to the grave.

Lucy stared at her reflection as she continued to run the brush through her hair. Her hair was getting long, almost past her shoulder blades. She could use a haircut soon, but that type of thing was considered extra, not something that Darry was able to have a budget for. If she wanted to get her hair cut, she'd have to come up with the money herself. She had a few bucks, but she had planned on buying candy and colored pencils at the corner store later today.

The thought of her argument with Darry made irritation bubble up in her chest again. It really wasn't fair that he thought less of her just because she was a girl. She didn't ask to be born this way. Besides, she handled herself just fine in school, even when greaser boys would jump at the chance to catcall her in the hallways or in the parking lot. She could easily learn how to use a switchblade if Darry would let her have one. She didn't have to be confined to the supervision of a chaperone for the rest of her life.

Sighing, Lucy put down the hairbrush and tossed her hair behind her shoulders. She pulled open the top dresser drawer to put the brush in, when the glint of metal caught her eye. As she reached in and pulled out the sharp pair of scissors, a sudden perturbance twisted in her gut. She shut her eyes tightly, inhaling slowly. She was tired of the world treating her differently just because she looked like a girl. What she saw the mirror didn't feel right. It felt more like she was looking at a stranger instead of someone who'd been in that body for fourteen whole years. She was fed up with it all.

Her eyes popped open, and it was like her hands moved on their own. She could only watch in the mirror as she grabbed a piece of her own hair, right above her shoulder. Her other hand trembled as it moved the scissors forward, taking the chunk of hair between its sharp blades. One swift movement, and suddenly, her blonde locks were tumbling to the carpet.

Once she started, it was like she couldn't stop. Lucy cut and snipped all over her head, barely paying attention to symmetry. Minutes later, her chest was heaving as if she'd just run a marathon, and most of her hair lay at her feet. Lucy dropped the scissors on the dresser and, hands shaking, reached up to thread her fingers through her new haircut. Her once voluminous hair was now a choppy pixie cut that stuck out in tufts all over her head. She sure didn't look like the girls at school now. At least, not from the neck up.

An idea began to form in Lucy's head, and she glanced down at her body. Her clothes weren't especially feminine. She was just wearing her nightclothes, which consisted of shorts and old t-shirt of Darry's. Most of her everyday clothes, though, were bought on the women's side of the store. Her closet was full of high-waist jeans and blouses and even a few skirts she hadn't worn in years. Maybe she could ask Darry to let her pick up a few things second-hand that more closely resembled what her brothers wore, but she knew without even asking that they didn't have the money to spare right now. Her birthday had just passed and Christmas was months away. She'd just have to borrow a few things.

She slipped out into the hall, tiptoeing in case anyone was still in the house. A quick peek into the living room, though, revealed that she was the only one left. Her brothers must have left right after breakfast. No longer bothering to tiptoe, she made her way into Soda and Pony's room. Both boys had clothes strewn on the bed and floor, but Lucy went straight for the closet. She rifled through the boys' fresh garments, eventually pulling out a pair of Pony's old jeans and one of Soda's DX shirts. The shirt would be a little big on her, but she and Pony were about the same size. It would work fine.

She took the clothes back to her room and proceeded to get dressed, taking care to tuck the shirt into the jeans. She added a black belt and a pair of boots she had "borrowed" from Ponyboy ages ago. Smoothing her hands down the front of the shirt, she made her way back out into the hallway and went straight to Darry's room. There, she found the full length mirror that still sat against the wall from when the space belonged to her parents. Lucy tried to keep the memory from planting itself in the back of her mind, and instead focused on examining her reflection.

The clothes looked fine, but there was one element that was still a dead giveaway: her chest. Despite her attempts to avoid being feminine, Lucy could never prevent her chest from filling out the way her mother had once told her it would. Even thinking about it made her cross her arms over her torso, hugging herself to hide what was beneath her shirt. She wished there was a way she could just... wish them away.

Maybe she couldn't make them disappear completely, but as Lucy thought about it for a moment, a realization came to her. She'd seen models on television and in magazines with chests as flat as a boy's, and it had bewildered her until she read an article that explained how the girls wrapped gauze bandages around their chests to hide it completely. With as many fights as they had on this side of town, Darry always kept a well-stocked first aid kit in the house. Lucy raced to the bathroom to gather her supplies.

Just a few minutes later, she stood in front of the full-length mirror once more, this time with a chest that didn't even extend past her stomach. The safety pins she'd used to keep the bandages in place poked at her skin, but it was worth it for the fact that when she looked in the mirror, Soda's DX shirt fell over her torso in a straight line.

For the first time, Lucy looked in the mirror and felt a rush of euphoria. Her hair no longer looked like it should be held up with bows and ribbons. Her clothes didn't give her a "womanly figure" like the other girls her age. Her body in general wasn't curvy or indicative of any desire to use it in ways besides its everyday functions. She could have passed for a younger Curtis brother, and that revelation made her whole body feel jittery.

There was only one way to test this out. She'd prove that she didn't have to be accompanied by a boy just to walk down to the corner store and back. No one would wanna mess with her when she was dressed like this. Guys on this side of town liked the flouncy blondes with bodies most girls could only dream of. She no longer fit that description, so there was no reason to think anyone would want to take advantage of her, even without one of her older brothers around.

Lucy made sure to leave Darry's room the way she'd found it, then made her way back to her own bedroom for her stuff. She grabbed her wallet and stuck it in her back pocket, just like she'd seen her brothers do hundreds of times. She did a final once over to make sure her shirt was tucked in and her gauze wrappings were still in place, enjoying the sensation of making herself look nice in a way that felt right.

Without further hesitation, she headed out of the house. Still no sign of her brothers, or any of the other guys they hung around with, for that matter. This couldn't be going any more perfectly. She hitched her thumbs in her pockets as she walked down the street, doing her best to walk like all the greaser guys did with their shoulders hunched and a stony look on their features.

No one gave her a second look as she made her way down the block, even when she passed Curly Shepard and his cronies hanging in the alley next to the drug store. Curly was friends with Ponyboy, but any time he came over, he looked at Lucy like she was something good to eat. She kept her head down, but a glance out of her peripheral revealed that the boys couldn't even be bothered to look up as she walked by. Her "disguise" must be working if even Curly Shepard didn't recognize her.

Nonetheless, she exhaled slowly when she finally entered the corner store, relieved that she'd made it without any trouble. That said, she didn't care to waste any time. She quickly found colored pencils and gummy bears and brought her purchases up to the counter. The old man behind the cash register rang her up in silence. He didn't seem to observe anything odd about her, even when they briefly made eye contact as she handed him the items.

"That'll be $4.57, son," the man spoke as he put her purchases in a paper bag. Lucy's stomach did a flip at the epithet the old man tacked onto the end of his sentence. The cashier actually thought she was a boy! She was so taken aback that for a few seconds, all she could do was stare back at him. She snapped to her senses when the man cleared his throat and gave her an expectant look. A blush colored her cheeks as she quickly dug in her pockets for her wallet, pulling out a $5 bill. She waited patiently for her change, then took her bag with a grin. "Thank you," she murmured under her breath, making her voice as low as possible. The cashier merely nodded, turning back to the register. Lucy paused for a second, then turned around and quickly left the store, a smile still plastered to her features. She'd made an entire purchase and even remembered her etiquette without the cashier ever suspecting a thing. She deserved these gummy bears.

The walk home was just as uneventful as the walk there, until she turned the corner by their house. Her stomach did another flip-flop at the sight of Two-Bit meandering just a few yards away, kicking an empty beer can down the sidewalk. Lucy froze and put her head down, her grip tightening on the bag in her hand. Maybe if she passed him quietly without raising her gaze from the sidewalk, she could remain as incognito as she was when she passed Curly Shepard. She hunched her shoulders again and stared at her feet as she walked, shuffling quickly forward.

This plan seemed reasonable except for the fact that she wasn't watching where she was going. Suddenly, Two-Bit's voice pierced the air: "Hey, watch it!" The beer can that he'd been kicking suddenly made its way under Lucy's unsuspecting feet, sending her sprawling on the sidewalk with an instinctive cry. She heard feet pounding on the sidewalk, and then Two-Bit Mathews was standing in front of her. "Hey, man, are you okay?"

Lucy gingerly sat up, shaking out her scraped palms. She dared to look up into Two-Bit's concerned features. His face went from worried, to shocked, to bewilderment in a matter of seconds. "Lucy?" He grabbed her arms and easily pulled her to her feet, dusting off the back of her shirt. "What happened to your hair?"

"Cut it," Lucy mumbled, doing a quick once-over of her outfit to make sure none of her brother's clothes were damaged in the fall. Everything looked mostly intact, save for the fact that her shirt had come partially untucked. She composed herself quickly, tucking her shirt back in and accepting the store bag from Two-Bit when he collected it off the ground.

"What are you wearin' Soda's work shirt for?" Two-Bit cocked an eyebrow at her, looking genuinely puzzled at her appearance. Lucy heaved a sigh. She supposed it was pretty surprising to see her dressed that way, especially with her new haircut, but it just felt like second nature to her. She figured it was best to be mostly honest with Two-Bit. He wasn't going to snitch.

"Darry told me I couldn't walk to the store by myself, 'cause I'm a girl, so..." Lucy ran a hand through her hair, briefly wondering how she would look if she greased it like her brothers did. "I snuck out. Figured I'd have a better chance of being left alone if I tried to look less girly." She left out the part about the cashier thinking she was a boy. She was the only one who needed to know that, for now.

Two-Bit blinked at her, then a grin made its way onto his face. "Man, I thought you were just another greaser wanderin' down the street," he remarked, letting out a signature cackle. He clapped her on the shoulder, then threw an arm around her. "Your brothers home?"

"Nah." Lucy shook her head, giving him a wry smile. "They took Pony to a track meet. You wanna come over?"

"Sure." Two-Bit rubbed his knuckles into her skull, making her yelp, then ruffled her hair before releasing her. "That's a tuff haircut, kid. I bet Superman's gonna have your hide, though."

Lucy grimaced, folding her arms over her chest. She'd been so overwhelmed by the excitement of her new look that she hadn't even paused to consider what her brothers might say about her hair. She kicked the offending beer can out of the way as she walked past it, eyebrows furrowed. "Maybe," she said finally, letting out a sigh. "Ain't much he can really do about it, though. 'Cept maybe take away my scissors."

"You look kinda like that little kid on _The Flintstones_," Two-Bit offered, chuckling at his own wisecracking. "Darry oughta get you one of those wooden clubs so you can fight off Socs."

"Aw, cut it out, Two-Bit," Lucy huffed, though she laughed as she said it. "With hair that red, you could be Pebbles Flintstone, easy."

"I'm honored, Curtis," Two-Bit snickered, giving her a playful shove. They continued bantering back and forth all the way up until they entered the Curtis house, serving only to lift Lucy's spirits further. She'd done it. She had made the trip to the corner store and back, and even made the cashier think she was a boy the whole time she was in the store. Two-Bit wasn't gonna tell anyone about her sneaking out, and he even called her tuff. Maybe it was Darry's nickname, but right then, she _felt_ like Superman, and it felt amazing in ways she couldn't quite yet describe.

**Hey there! Thanks for tuning back in. Please review, favorite, and follow if you're interested! I accept any and all criticism.**

**Also, disclaimer: NEVER bind your chest with bandages, gauze, or anything besides safe binding methods. You could risk breaking your ribs or even killing off the cells underneath the wrappings. Proper, safe binding didn't really exist in the 60's unless you were wealthy and/or a model, but that's no excuse not to take advantage of the much safer alternatives we have today. If you have any further questions about this or anything related to being transgender, don't hesitate to PM me. I'm happy to educate :)**

**Happy reading!**

**~TJ**


	3. Chapter 3

"When did you leave this morning, anyways?" Lucy flopped down on the couch next to Two-Bit, raising an eyebrow at the older greaser. She'd taken off her brothers' clothes and hung them up like they were before, taking extra care to smooth the wrinkles out of Soda's work shirt. Her chest wrappings and safety pins went in one of her dresser drawers. She'd been hesitant to take it all off, hesitant to take away the feeling they gave her.

"Steve and I, uh, we heard y'all talkin' in the kitchen." Two-Bit looked over at her with a sheepish grin. He had raided the fridge as soon as they got home, and he now had a beer in one hand and a plate of chocolate cake in his lap. Mickey Mouse was playing on the TV. Things were absolutely normal everywhere except for inside Lucy's head.

Lucy reached over and swiped her finger along the cake plate, gathering a bit of chocolate icing. She popped it into her mouth, focusing on the sweet sensation as she gathered her thoughts. "So you left 'cause we were fighting," she said finally, stating it matter-of-factly. She and Darry didn't fight too often, so she figured it must have been awkward to listen to. A bubble of self-consciousness poked at the base of her stomach, but she pushed it away, keeping her expression neutral.

Two-Bit cracked a smirk, taking a swig of his beer. "Nah, kid. We left 'cause we didn't wanna drive you to the store." He erupted in laughter, tipping his beer bottle towards her.

Lucy rolled her eyes, playfully punching him in the shoulder. "Thanks a lot, Two-Bit."

"Any time, Baby Curtis." Two-Bit grinned and reached over, ruffling her hair again. Lucy jerked away with a chuckle and reached up to smooth it down.

"Man," she sighed, slumping back against the couch cushions. "I don't know how I'm gonna explain my hair to Darry."

"What'd you cut it for, anyway?" Two-Bit asked without looking at her, his attention turned back to the television set.

Lucy didn't answer at first. In that moment, the temptation to come out with the whole truth ate at the back of her mind. She had no idea if Two-Bit would understand, or if anyone would, for that matter. But on the other hand, getting it all off her chest would be a relief, even if no one else got it.

But she couldn't. She didn't even have the words for it. The masculinity that she hid, the sort of "alter ego" she had created for herself, it could only exist inside of her. She knew without taking the risk that Two-Bit wouldn't understand, because how could he when she barely understood it herself?

"I just felt like a change," she shrugged finally, eyes on the television. Two-Bit just nodded, and that was that. No one had to know the real reason she'd cut all her hair off. It couldn't be that hard to believe that she simply had just felt like something different.

Her suspicions were confirmed later that afternoon, when Two-Bit had gone home and she was settled on the couch with a bottle of Pepsi in her hand. The front door knob suddenly jiggled, then Darry came through the door with his keys in his hand. "Lucy, we're home," he called out, not spotting her right away. He dropped his keys in the bowl next to the door and looked around the room, freezing when his eyes landed on his younger sister.

"Kid, what happened to your hair?" He gaped at her, not bothering to close the door behind him. Sodapop and Ponyboy trailed in after him. Soda's arm was around Pony's shoulders, but both boys' eyes widened as soon as they caught sight of her. Lucy suddenly felt as if she was an exhibit in some sort of zoo.

"I wanted something different," she mumbled in response, not looking any of them directly in the face. She took a sip of her Pepsi, hoping that the way her cheeks were burning wasn't visible.

"Did you do it by yourself?" Pony tilted his head, snapping out of it enough to shut the front door. Soda walked over and stood over his sister, running his fingers through the short tufts of hair on top of her head.

"I think you look nice," he said finally, glancing at Darry before giving Lucy a warm smile. She gave him a tentative smile in return, her eyes traveling over his shoulder to her oldest brother.

"I saw the cut in a magazine," she said softly, which wasn't entirely a lie. Plenty of models had short hair nowadays, and she was positive that most of them didn't do it so they could pass for a boy out in public. "I just... thought it would be tuff."

Darry's hard expression didn't waver, but he sighed and looked away. "Just give me a heads up next time, kid," he said, heading towards the kitchen. Soda, his brow furrowed, gave Lucy another quick smile before following after their oldest brother. Lucy could hear them whispering not long after that, and she groaned internally, shutting her eyes tipping her head back against the couch cushions.

"It does look pretty tuff," came a soft voice after a few moments of nothing but the sound of the television set. Lucy's eyes popped open, and she looked over at her brother. Ponyboy had sat down in Darry's armchair with a book in his hand, eyes on his younger sister. "You look kinda like those girls in the movies."

A smile tugged at her lips, and Lucy sighed, reaching up to run her fingers through her hair. "Thanks, Pony," she murmured. Pony gave her a small smile, then looked down at his book, a signal to anyone who knew him that he was no longer in a world that existed beyond the page.

* * *

_Lucy woke up the next day, and the house was eerily silent. Bright sunlight streamed through her windows, and the alarm clock next to her bed revealed that it was late in the morning. Usually by now, Sodapop or Darry would have come into her room to wake her for breakfast, but oddly, she didn't feel especially hungry at all._

_She got up and got dressed, taking care to ensure that her hair looked neat. Dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, she wandered out of her bedroom and into the hallway, making her way to the kitchen._

_The house remained quiet as she walked through it, until she finally walked through the kitchen doorway. All eyes in the room turned to her. Her brothers all sat at the table, deadpan looks on their faces. Ponyboy and Soda were whispering to each other in voices so low she couldn't pinpoint what they were saying, but their gazes never strayed from Lucy's figure. Darry sat at the head of the table, hands clasped before him. All of this would have been fairly normal, albeit a little strange, if there hadn't been a woman in a long skirt and sweater standing behind Darry's chair, a hand on his shoulder._

_"Ah, there you are," she spoke as Lucy entered the room, her voice even and proper. "Miss Lucille Janine Curtis. I'm from the State, and I'm here to take you into custody."_

_"What?" Lucy's heart skipped a beat, and she looked wide-eyed at Darry, feeling the color drain from her complexion. "What is she talking about? Darry?"_

_Her brother didn't answer, or do much besides stare at her, his face void of all emotion. The woman from the State pursed her lips, eyes scanning Lucy up and down. "Look at that hair and that outfit," she scoffed. "The gentleman who owns the corner store called in, Miss Curtis. He saw right through your little scheme."_

_The woman then walked forward and put a hand on her shoulder. Lucy flinched at the contact. None of her brothers reacted at all at the mention of her downtown excursion, and they seemed quite content with watching it all happen. The woman spoke again. "A young girl like yourself needs a strong, female presence. We'll be taking you to St. Margaret's Home for Troubled Girls. Perhaps there, you'll finally be able to embrace the blossoming young woman you are."_

_Lucy gasped, stumbling backwards. "No! That's crazy, you can't take me away." She shook her head indignantly, looking around the woman at her brothers. "Guys, do something."_

_No one said a word or moved a muscle. It was like they were frozen, watching her behind an invisible wall. The woman narrowed her eyes, and suddenly snapped her fingers. Out of nowhere, two hands grabbed Lucy by her biceps. She yelped and twisted around, eyes widening at the two large, expressionless men standing behind her. Easily, as if she was made of air, the men lifted her off the ground and began carrying her towards the front door._

_"No!" Lucy shouted, kicking her feet and twisting her body to no avail. "Darry, Soda, don't let them take me! Pony! Help me! No, no, no, no-"_

Lucy jolted awake with a gasp, sitting straight up in bed. Her room was dark, the only light coming from the faint moonlight streaming through the curtains. It was warm, but Lucy shivered with a cold sweat, chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. She threw the covers off her body and slid out of bed, walking with shaky legs to the kitchen.

The house was quiet, but it wasn't as bone-chilling as it had been in her dream. Her heart still pounded as if it was trying to escape her chest. Lucy got herself a glass of water and took a seat at the kitchen table. She sipped her water slowly, willing her hands to stop trembling.

Tears sprang to her eyes, and she didn't bother wiping them away. She'd had nightmares following her parents' deaths, but nothing this intense and none of them had felt quite as real. Tears ran down Lucy's cheeks as she took a shaky breath, attempting to stifle the sob building up in her chest.

"Lucy?"

Her eyes snapped up to meet her oldest brother's. Darry was standing in the kitchen doorway, frowning at the sight before him. Lucy couldn't speak, her throat blocked by emotion. She swallowed hard and looked back down at the table, her vision blurred.

She heard Darry walk over to the table and pull out the chair next to her. A hand came to rest on her shoulder, surprisingly gentle for her older brother's usual demeanor. "What's going on, kiddo?" he asked quietly, giving her shoulder a squeeze.

Lucy opened her mouth to speak, but instead of the words that were jumbling themselves in her head, a soft whimper, residue from a trapped cry, escaped her lips. Darry's hand turned into an arm around her shoulders, and Lucy was suddenly pressing herself against him, face buried in his chest. The weeping she'd held back before was now full-blown sobbing, muffled by Darry's t-shirt. Her brother's arms were wrapped tightly around her, a hand rubbing her back in soothing circles.

"I'm worried about you, kid," he murmured, resting his chin atop her head. "You ain't been the same lately, Lucy, and I don't know what it is, but... I wanna make it better."

Darry's gentle tone, uncharacteristic as it was, soothed Lucy tremendously. After their parents' death, she'd grown attached to her oldest brother. He could be harsh at times and it was difficult to see him as a replacement for Mom and Dad, but she felt closer to him than her other brothers. Even Sodapop, who she adored, didn't understand her anxieties or the dark corners of her mind the way that Darry seemed to. She knew her oldest brother had a big heart underneath his hard surface.

Sniffling, she slowly pulled her face away from Darry's chest, eyes bloodshot and wet with tears. "I'm just having a hard time right now," she whispered, raising her eyes to look at him. "I-I had this really bad dream, and it was really scary, and..." She trailed off, too afraid of bursting into tears again to continue speaking.

In a rare moment, Darry's expression softened into one of visible compassion. "Why don't you come sleep in my bed tonight?" he suggested gently, rubbing her shoulder. "So you don't have to be alone."

Lucy nodded silently, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. Darry helped her up from her chair, grabbing her water glass for her. They walked through the house towards Darry's bedroom, where he put the water down on the nightstand and pulled the blankets back for her.

Soon, Lucy was tucked securely into the bed that her parents had once slept on, her brother laying next to her. He rhythmically smoothed her hair back, and she closed her eyes. "I ain't gonna let nothing happen to you, kid," Darry spoke into the darkness, wrapping an arm securely around her. "I promise you that."

**Thank you for reading this chapter of ****_Mad World_****! I've put a lot of heart into this chapter, and in this story in general, and it means the world that people are enjoying it. Please favorite and follow if you'd like regular updates, and please review! I love feedback of all kinds.**

**Thanks again, and happy reading!**

**~TJ**


	4. Chapter 4

"I don't care who's going to be there. You're not going and if you don't like it, well, that's just too damn bad, kid sister."

Lucy held her fists at her sides, engaged entirely in an unspoken staredown between herself and her oldest brother. Barely a week after he'd forbidden her from walking to the store by herself, they were right back where they started, this time about a party. She and Darry rarely reached this point in their arguments, where they were both so on edge with their opposing statements, but Lucy was feeling extra sensitive about this subject.

"You never let me do anything," she accused between clenched teeth. "I'm not some helpless little kid, Darry, I can handle myself." Lucy had the advantage of standing while Darry sat in his armchair, but she couldn't deny that his icy stare had plenty of power on its own. If looks could kill, she would have been knocked off her feet several minutes ago.

"Can't you see I'm trying to keep you safe?" Darry slammed his palm down on the armrest, making Lucy jump. It likely would have had the same effect on Sodapop and Ponyboy, had they not scurried off to their room as soon as Lucy and Darry started going at it. Darry glared at his sister, looking about two seconds away from standing up and raising his voice loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear. "I don't need my kid sister getting jumped, or busted by the cops at some wild party where you don't have anyone to take care of you."

"I'm not a baby, I don't need someone to take care of me," Lucy snapped, suddenly storming past him and towards the hallway.

"Where are you going?" Darry demanded, his voice booming through the house. Lucy stopped at the entrance to the hallway, turning to face him with fire in her eyes.

"To my room, where you'd rather I spend my entire weekend," she said scornfully. "If I wasn't a _girl_, you'd let me go, and you know it." Without waiting for a response, Lucy turned and stormed to her room, slamming the door behind her.

She had no hesitation this time. She was going to that party whether Darry wanted her to or not. He had no right to treat her differently just because she was a girl. He had no idea what it was like to be inside her head every day, grappling with the world assuming that she was feminine and timid and sweet all because of how they perceived her gender. She barely even knew herself well enough to determine how she felt when it came to those things. It ate at her enough without everyone else giving her hell for it.

After her last outing, she had stolen a few outfits from Pony and Soda's closet that she knew they wouldn't miss. She pulled out the same jeans and boots as last time, this time with a black button-down shirt, and laid it all on her bed. She wrapped her chest again and got dressed with a certain thrill that seemed to course through her every time she transformed herself from who she was to who she was supposed to be. She slicked back her hair with a can of grease she'd found under the bathroom sink, trying to imitate what Soda did to his. It ended up just falling to the side in a sort of lazy pompadour, but she left it that way anyways and pulled on her jacket.

Now, the dilemma of leaving her room. She lifted up her window and stuck her head out, estimating the distance to the ground. It was high enough that she'd have to jump, but not dangerously so. It wasn't like she wasn't equipped for the fall, anyways. She had done plenty of "training" on the monkey bars at the park and the pull up bar during gym class to feel confident in making the leap to the ground.

As expected, she landed easily in the grass below her window, her boots thumping against the dirt. She didn't even stumble. With a triumphant smirk, she took off, running through the neighbor's backyard to reach the street behind their house. Once she was far enough, she slowed her pace and shoved her hands in her jacket pockets, inhaling the feeling of nighttime solitude.

"He doesn't know what he's doin' to me," she mumbled to herself out loud, her eyes darting around the dark neighborhood. Darry wasn't wrong about it being a rough neighborhood for _anyone_ to be walking alone in, but he didn't have to make such a point about treating her different just because she was his kid sister instead of his kid brother. She had lived in this town her whole life, just like the rest of the family. She knew how rough it was. She'd seen her brothers and the gang fighting off hoodlums who jumped people for the fun of it, or worse. But Darry acted like she was completely clueless against the world's cruelties, when in actuality, she knew them as well as anybody.

She had friends at school who got into fights almost every day, and she'd picked up plenty of tricks from them. She had even gotten into a few exchanges herself, though it had always been self-defense or in defense of someone else. Darry wanted to shield her from the world, but he had to realize that unless he wanted to be her bodyguard everywhere she went, he couldn't keep her from living it.

"Hey, greaser..."

Lucy froze, her whole body suddenly feeling cold. The street was dark except for a single dim streetlamp, and now the headlights of a powder blue Cadillac that had slowed down beside her. She quickly shook out of her stupor and kept walking, not daring to look at the car. She was too far from home for anyone to hear her shouting and she didn't have any weapon on her whatsoever. If the people in that car wanted to do something to her, it was them against her own lonesome fighting skills.

They must have known that, because the car suddenly stopped on the curb and the doors slammed loudly. Lucy didn't look back, just broke out into a run. Whoever it was, hopefully there weren't so many that she couldn't lose them by taking a path through alleys and backyards. Her optimism was short-lived as she was suddenly tackled from behind, her body slamming into the sidewalk.

"Tag, you're it," a boy's voice sounded above her. The weight on her back lifted, and then she was flipped over by rough hands. She looked up at the faces of two teenage boys, both of them wearing Madras shirts and smug expressions. "Hey there, greaser," the one who had tackled her spoke in a drawl, his dark eyes shining in the streetlight. "It's not nice to ignore someone when they're talking to you."

The other boy lunged forward to hold her down, and the pressure of his hands on her chest triggered her fight-or-flight response. She squirmed violently and opened her mouth to scream, but a sudden punch to the jaw shut her up. Her neck cracked as her head was forced to the side, and the adrenaline in her body translated itself to anxiety pumping through her veins.

"Check his pockets," the first boy muttered to his companion, who complied immediately by reaching into Lucy's jeans. She barely even acknowledged that these guys thought she was a boy, even though it should have excited her. She was more focused on making sure she left this situation in one piece.

It wasn't difficult at all for the boy to find her wallet in her back pocket, and he held it up, smirking. "Bet you won't mind losing this, since there's probably nothing in it, anyways," he sneered, tossing it on the sidewalk out of her reach. Lucy lunged for it anyways, taking advantage of his hands being away from her body, but she was stopped immediately by the first boy grabbing the back of her shirt. He pushed her face-down on the sidewalk, his knees digging into her back as he climbed on top of her to hold her down.

"Don't move," he hissed, as if she had any intention of it when she realized that he was holding a switchblade in one hand. Just as her brain put two and two together, the cold, sharp metal of the blade was at her throat. She let out a strangled sort of whimper, heart pounding like a jackhammer in her chest. The boy leaned closer, his lips right next to her ear. "We're gonna teach you not to walk alone on this part of town..."

**Hey there! Sorry for the slight delay in update, I've had some mental health stuff going on that made writing pretty difficult for a few days. But I'm back and ready to keep going! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I'll have another one up as soon as I can!**

**Please feel free to review, follow, and favorite! I love feedback of all kinds and appreciate every bit of it.**

**See y'all soon!**

**~TJ**


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